Held When I Couldn’t Stand
From a very young age, I knew who Jesus was. Did I truly understand who He was or what He did? Absolutely not. And honestly, do I understand it all even now? Not even close. But what I can tell you today is how good of a God we serve because of the work He’s done in my life.
In sixth grade, something called covid entered all of our worlds. What we thought would last two weeks quickly turned into months, then into a year, and in many ways, it’s still relevant today. It didn’t just disrupt life but it completely changed it. I finished sixth grade online, started seventh grade online, then slowly returned to a classroom twice a week with only four students. By eighth grade, school seemed “normal” again…
But it was soon after being in a classroom with 30 plus students I quickly realized it wasn’t my cup of tea and I needed a change. I felt strongly that aca might be the right fit. I was so confident that I told everyone I was switching schools before I even told my parents. Within a month, I was at a completely new school with all new friends, and even though I missed my old ones, I knew this was exactly where God wanted me.
Yet through it all I had paralyzing anxiety. There were days I couldn’t get out of bed and days I truly didn’t think I would make it. I started counseling over Zoom, and honestly, it didn’t go great. But once I began meeting in person, things slowly started to feel manageable. That’s when I learned that it’s okay to need help, and that I might need counseling to navigate things others may never see.
I was so excited for high school, and while it’s been an adventure, it’s also been heavy at times. Many of you joke about my attendance, and we laugh about it now, but what people didn’t always see were the days I stayed home because I couldn’t stop crying or find the strength to get up. Those moments are terrifying if you’ve never been there.
Yet through all of it, I was still following Christ. In November of my freshman year, I truly accepted Him, not for the first time, but for the first time fully, knowing that my worth depended only on what Christ did for me. I spent years trying to trust God while also trying to be perfect, trying to find the right friends, and trying to keep everything together. And here’s the truth: it doesn’t exactly work.
There were times I felt like my struggles didn’t matter, times I thought I would lose everyone, and times I didn’t think I’d make it. But I’m standing here today to tell you that you will make it. You will be okay. God is carrying you through it all, even on the days that feel impossible.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28 and 29
The hardest lesson I’ve learned hasn’t come from a classroom, it’s been realizing that the hardest seasons are often the hardest because I’m choosing the world over Jesus. The only real difference in my life now is how much I depend on Christ in all I do.
So I stand here today to tell you this, we serve an incredible God, and it’s okay to have hard days. We are not perfect, and we never will be. But we serve a perfect God who sent His perfect Son to die in our place, and because of what He did, we get to live with hope, freedom, and purpose. It is now that I can see clearly, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see color again, and I can praise God for the tough seasons. But that didn’t come overnight, it took years of practice and I am still not great at it. But no matter what my worth only depends on the blood of Christ.